People today are looking for the real deal.

Even though we like to take our selfies and project a better-than-real-life image of ourselves in public, we still yearn for authenticity, something we know to be true and trustworthy. But in a world of photo-shopped images, assumed identities, and fake news, how do people ever become “real”?

In her children’s book, The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Bianco explores the strange but wonderful way it happens.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day.

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

In the physical world we generally know what REAL means. It’s something that’s not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory.  We can authenticate whether something is real by testing it. But when we move into the realm of people, things become far more complicated. As the Skin Horse said, becoming Real is a process. For Christians, it’s often a long and painful process. We can’t shed our sinful nature like a snake sheds its skin. To become like Jesus means submitting to someone else’s wishes. Not just once in a while, but day after day, year after year.

Reading on in Bianco’s book we discover the Velveteen Rabbit had some really tough days – rolled over on, squashed under pillows, left out in the damp cold garden overnight, and ignored by the Boy when he was occupied with other things. Yet … he was also cuddled, talked to, taken on wonderful adventures outdoors, and kept safe under the care of the little boy who loved him. Over time the relationship he enjoyed with the Boy brought great happiness to the Velveteen Rabbit In spite of the discomfort he sometimes experienced, he found life and significance in the relationship. Eventually, this made him Real.

Jesus said if we want to find our lives as His disciples, we have to be willing to lose our life for His sake. That may seem harsh, especially in our self-actualized culture of “me first,” but we have to consider the trade-off. We lose control, but we gain His love. And by the power of His love we become Real.

As we mature spiritually we discover something surprising. There’s joy even in pain and discomfort … if He is near. Hearing His voice and sharing in His life gives us security and rest. Sure, we get beat up by the world. Amy Carmichael, the missionary who served in India for 55 years without a furlough, had a haunting question for the church at large: Have you no scars?

“As the Master shall the servant be, and pierced are the feet that follow Me;

But thine are whole … Can he have followed far who has no wound or scar?”

Identifying with Jesus means we’ll be misunderstood, neglected, and sometimes mistreated by other people. Those we serve and love will let us down, driving us back into the Lord’s arms for comfort and restoration. The key to endurance is to keep our eyes firmly fixed on Jesus.

Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

It doesn’t have a lot of appeal … becoming shabby and worn in the service of Love. After all, we like to look good and appear strong. That’s why it’s such a temptation to put on masks and fake it. Even with fellow Christians we don’t admit how much we struggle. We just go on pretending, hoping to fool ourselves along with everyone else.

But such pretensions have damaged our witness for Christ. Most people in the world view Christians as phonies who espouse one thing and live in an entirely different way. It’s not that they expect us to be perfect. They just expect us to be consistent with what we say we believe.

The apostle Paul was far from perfect, but he was Real. He told the believers in Corinth, “I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls” (2 Corinthians 12:15, NKJV). In My Utmost for His Highest (Feb. 15), Oswald Chambers uses Paul as an illustration to challenge the rest of us. “How many of us are willing to spend every ounce of nervous energy, of mental, moral and spiritual energy we have for Jesus Christ? That is the meaning of a witness. Am I willing to be broken bread and poured out wine for Him?”

Most of us would say no, if we’re honest. But we can see the goal and begin to move in its direction. We don’t become Real all at once. But over time, if we’re willing to submit to the process, we discover that the rewards of identifying with Jesus outweigh the heartaches and pain. One day, if we don’t turn back, we’ll be able to declare, as Jesus did, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). Then we’ll know we’re REAL.