Expectations are beliefs springing from our thoughts and experiences. When our expectations are met (even our negative ones) we feel empowered, like our lives make sense.

But what if our expectations are denied over and over again … or our assumed outcomes never materialize … what then? We tend to react with feelings of anger, disappointment, or pain.

This quote seems to sum it up nicely.

Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through expectation.

As Christians, we might think we’re above all that drama. After all, we know the Truth. We understand how things work from God’s perspective. We don’t entertain false assumptions about our lives …

DO WE?

Just because we know the Bible doesn’t mean we don’t entertain unrealistic expectations. Our human nature makes us just as vulnerable as anyone else. It almost becomes worse when we come to know God. After all, we realize for the first time that He loves us with an amazing, unconditional love. Surely that means our lives should be relatively trouble free!

Often we carry around a bunch of expectations that set us up for disappointment. Here’s a short list of the kinds of things we expect from our heavenly Father:

• To be able to succeed at whatever we decide to pursue
• For God to provide for us a godly spouse who’ll always know our needs and act accordingly
• For God to give us children – when we’re ready, of course
• Protection for every person important to us … our parents, our children, our spouse, other family members, as well as our close friends
• Financial blessing
• “Traveling mercies” … a coined Christian phrase meaning no setbacks in our travel plans … no illnesses, no delays, no accidents!
• Freedom from calamity or sudden loss

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong to ask God for what we see as a good and desirable outcome. But what is our reaction if He chooses something else for us?

“There is nothing wrong with expectations per se, as it’s appropriate to set goals and work, properly, towards their fruition. But the instant we feel pain over life not going ‘my way,’ our expectations have clearly taken an improper turn. Any moment you feel resistance or pain, look for – and then let go of – the hidden expectation.” (Guy Finlay)

I’ve been struggling with this.

One of our grandsons is going through a really rough time. I’ve cried out to the Lord for His help, expecting Him to intervene in a supernatural way. I think the reason for my expectation is because I’ve seen God move in this way for others. But in spite of all the prayers going up, he continues to face ever-increasing pain and suffering in his body. This struggle has been going on for nearly a year.

My frustration is rooted in an expectation for a particular outcome. I want God to move now and bring His supernatural healing. What I need to do is release this concern fully into God’s hands. I have to remind myself of His surpassing love for this young man. He sees, He knows, He cares. What He does with this situation is not in my control. And, not surprisingly, He hasn’t asked for my advice!

My faith must NOT be in what I see happening but in the character of God.

Of course I continue to pray in faith for health and freedom from pain for our grandson. But as I pray I must remember God is doing far more in this situation than I can envision. “I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ [who] is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:18, 20).

There’s a vast difference between faith and presumption … between trusting in God and trusting in our circumstances. Just because my prayer isn’t answered when and how I want it to be does NOT mean God is untrustworthy. As Bob Dylan wrote, “He has plans of His own” and they are far better than mine. Faith means I will trust in His goodness regardless of how painful and difficult my life (or the life of someone I love) may be right now.

Judging by all the Bible stories, God isn’t concerned with making us blissfully happy all the time. The people He knew and entered into a covenant with experienced heartbreak, disappointment, and ill-treatment, no matter how committed they were to Him. Some (like Abraham) spent years waiting to see His promises to them fulfilled. Sometimes, they died with unfulfilled expectations. “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised” (Hebrews 11:39).

It’s a good idea to periodically give ourselves a reality check, examining our current expectations and assumptions in the light of Scripture.

What exactly HAS God promised His people?

There are lots of promises in Scripture. Peter called them “very great and precious promises” (2 Peter 1:4). But often we pull them out of context or adopt them according to our own agenda. For Christians, our best criteria for biblical expectations is to read the New Testament and discern what Jesus taught and experienced and how this was lived out in the early disciples. Our culture may be very different from that time, but the spiritual principles don’t change. Jesus said two important things we often forget:

1. “The student [disciple] is not above the teacher, nor a servant above his master” (Matthew 10:24). If God the Father did not spare His Son the suffering of the cross or the ill-treatment/misunderstanding of His enemies, why do we expect our lives to be free of these things?
2. “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). The promise for His disciples was not to be spared from difficulty or trouble; the promise was that in the trouble He would be with them. And because of His triumph over evil, one day He will deliver us from sin, death, and hell. Now that’s a great and precious promise!

A Short List of Promises He HAS Made to Us:

We can save ourselves a lot of sorrow and heartache if we don’t indulge in fanciful assumptions and unrealistic expectations. So let’s end with a short list we can go to the bank with. This is just a sampling of His many promises in the New Testament. Maybe you will enjoy finding others to add to this short list.

• I will never leave you nor forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5; Matthew 28:20)
• If you lack wisdom, ask me. I will generously give it to you. (James 1:5)
• I will give you power to live like Me in the world (2 Peter 1:3-4)
• I will make everything work out for good if you will love and follow me. (Romans 8:38)
• I understand how you’re feeling. In your time of need I will give you mercy, grace, and help when you call on me. (Hebrews 5:15-16)
• I will reward you for making godly choices. (Matthew 6:3-4, 6, 33. Rev. 22:12)
• In Me you are complete. I have everything you need to live your Christian life with joy, peace, and confidence. (Colossians 1:10-12, 2:6-7; John 7:37-39).

Jesus Christ is faithful and true. He will deliver on all His promises. But let’s make sure we’re listening to Him and not adopting worldly expectations. The Christian life is a glorious adventure with Him that involves highs and lows. But even when we feel things are falling apart, we have Him as the anchor for our soul. That makes all the difference!