In 1971 the English zoologist Desmond Morris wrote a classic study about human intimacy and how it develops. He suggested that all bonded couples go through twelve distinct stages that build on each other before the couple reaches full intimacy. The first two stages he proposes both involve our eyes. Morris called stage one “eye to body” and the second “eye to eye.”

In the first stage we simply notice someone who looks interesting to us, and we study them from afar. When we move into stage two, both individuals become aware of each other and gaze eye-to-eye, studying the other person in such a focused way that everything else around them seems to drop away. Their interest in one another becomes almost an obsession as they seek to explore and find out more about this fascinating new person in their lives.

As interesting as Morris’ observations are, he’s kind of late in catching on to these realities—Scripture beat him to the punch. From earliest times biblical writers mention the importance of sight in establishing close connections, not just with people but also with God himself. What captures our interest we turn our eyes to and what we desire to know better we fix our gaze on. It’s a simple matter of focus and priority. 

As always, God sets the example for us and initiates the process of building intimacy. “God watches how people live; he sees everything they do” (Job 34:21, NLT). David writes in Psalm 11:4, “The Lord observes everyone on earth; his eyes examine them.” Is it any wonder that the living creatures that Ezekiel saw and those that surround God’s throne are “full of eyes all around”? (See Ezekiel 1:18; Revelation 4:8.)

To some of us, we may not like the idea of being watched from on high. It makes us uncomfortable to think that our every action is being observed and even the motivations of our hearts are known by someone else. But God is watching us for reasons that should make us glad, not uneasy. He isn’t watching to try to catch us in something sinful or to rebuke us. He’s watching eagerly, hoping we will return His interest in us, so He can establish a loving and intimate relationship with us. He wants to bless, not harm us—to give us a future and a hope (see Jeremiah 29:11). 

Sadly, from the time of the Fall we’ve hidden our eyes from Him out of shame and a desire to go our own way. To borrow a term from Desmond Morris, we might say that everyone begins life in the first stage of intimacy with God. As we grow and develop He watches us, hoping we will seek Him out so He can lavish His love on us.

In Genesis 16 we’re introduced to a servant named Hagar. Even though she was not a follower of the Lord, He rescues her out of a desperate situation. Her response to His kindness and mercy? “You are the God who sees me” (v. 13). Yes, He sees (and cares about) everyone on earth, no matter what their station, ethnicity, or gender is. But how many will return His gaze?

The great people of faith we admire in Scripture built an intimate relationship with God through focused attention. King David declared in Psalm 25:15 “My eyes are ever on the Lord.” And in Hebrews 11:24-27 we read this about Moses, the faithful servant of the Lord: “By faith Moses … chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt. … He persevered because he saw him who is invisible.”  

Since God is Spirit, we don’t “see” Him in the same way we see other people, but our interactions with Him are just as real. By spending time with Him in prayer and watching for His appearance in the circumstances of our lives we learn to trust Him. We begin to understand His loving and generous nature, which enables us to open ourselves up more freely to His Lordship. We obey Him even when we’d rather not, just so we can sense His pleasure and bring Him joy. We follow Him, even when we can’t see the way, because we know He will not leave us or forsake us. Today we must be content to see Him by faith, but He promises that one day those who know and love Him will “see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads” (Revelation 22:4). What a glorious promise!

In his book entitled Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home Richard Foster describes the many joys of this kind of intimate relationship with our Lord. “He invites us into the living room of his heart, where we can put on old slippers and share freely. He invites us into the kitchen of his friendship, where chatter and batter mix in good fun. He invites us into the dining room of his strength, where we can feast to our heart’s delight. He invites us into the study of his wisdom, where we can learn and grow and stretch … and ask all the questions we want. He invites us into the workshop of his creativity, where we can be co-laborers with him, working together to determine the outcome of events. He invites us into the bedroom of his rest, where new peace is found and where we can be naked and vulnerable and free. It is also the place of deepest intimacy, where we know and are known to the fullest.”

God always lets us decide if we want to invest our time and energy in building an intimate relationship with Him. When we turn our eyes away and get absorbed in all the distractions of the world, He never takes His eyes off us. He waits and hopes for our return to Him. To quote Foster again, “Today the heart of God is an open wound of love. He aches over our distance and preoccupation. He grieves that we have forgotten Him. He weeps over our obsession with muchness and manyness. He longs for our presence.”

Sometimes we find it hard to believe—that with all our faults, sins, and ugly ways, He still wants to spend time with us. But it’s true—Scripture makes that clear. Because we are His beloved bride, the Lord Jesus sees us through eyes of love. “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes” (Song of Songs 4:9).

Will you lift your eyes to Him today and begin to build that beautiful and intimate relationship He promised to those who would love and trust Him? As A. W. Tozer wrote in The Pursuit of God, “When we lift our inward eyes to gaze upon God we are sure to meet friendly eyes gazing back at us. When the eyes of the soul looking out meet the eyes of God looking in, heaven has begun right here on this earth.”

Lord Jesus Christ, how grateful I am for your great love and mercy. Thank you for seeking me out and watching over me so diligently every day of my life. Help me to turn my eyes away from vain things of this world and fix my gaze on your lovely face, where I find all I will ever need. Conquer my heart that’s so prone to straying with your unfailing love. Amen.