I was blessed with one of the world’s best mothers. Her love for her kids was legendary, and her reputation for indulgence? Well, I remember how shocked my kindergarten teacher was when I told her one morning I had hot dogs for breakfast. My mom figured protein was protein. What difference did it make if I preferred hot dogs to bacon and eggs?

Mom was my cheerleader and advocate. She never pushed her weight around as a parent just because she could. She let me make my own decisions, and patiently explained why I was receiving correction when I messed up. She was able to discipline me without shaming me at the same time. She was kind, understanding, generous, and fair. What more could you want from a parent?

Yet, I was afraid of my mother. When she’d had enough of my sassiness or foolish behavior, she’d look at me … with THAT look … and it was enough. I’d quickly line up. Suddenly I’d remember … oh, yeah … I’m not in charge here. I’m the child and she’s the one who holds all the power. She can make my life miserable if she chooses to.

Having a mom like I did helped me better understand what it means to “fear the Lord your God” (Deuteronomy 6:13). Today we’re living in a culture that wants to eradicate all references to fearing God (or any other authority figure for that matter), replacing fear with love, honor, and respect (terms that speak of equals, like in a marriage). The only problem is, God isn’t our equal. Yes, we were created in His image and He enables us take on His nature through the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. We’re invited to partner with Him in building His kingdom. But we’re far from His equal. We’re always dependent upon Him, even for our next breath. He literally holds our life in His hands.

In our churches today, God is often characterized as a friend, a divine companion, or an indulgent father who enjoys lavishing gifts on his children, no matter how they’re behaving. In trying to make everyone comfortable, we’ve chosen to ignore or downplay any idea of judgment for wrongdoing.

I’d like to restore some balance by exploring the value of godly fear. Obviously, I’m not advocating a groveling, terrified approach to the One who loves us and laid down His life for us. Scripture reveals God’s character and how He interacts with mankind. An often quoted summary in Exodus 34:6-7, revealed to Moses by the Lord himself, says: “The Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness … forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished.” Quick to embrace verse 6, we sometimes ignore verse 7. But our relationship with this compassionate, gracious God will only be healthy if it includes (like my relationship with my mom) an element of fear that recognizes WHO is responsible to WHOM. “Each of us will give an account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12).

Sometimes we think this idea of fearing God is just an Old Testament concept, introduced to rebellious Israel in an attempt to bring them into line. But consider these words of Jesus in Luke 12:4-5: “I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you WHOM YOU SHOULD FEAR: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, FEAR HIM.” The early Christians obviously heeded Jesus’ words. In Acts 9:31 we read: “The church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria … was strengthened; and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it grew in numbers, living in the fear of the Lord.” When Ananias and Sapphira died (Acts 5:11) “Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.”  

Some of you may object to this line of thinking, pointing out 1 John 4:18, which says there is no fear in love; that perfect love drives out fear. But what kind of fear is John writing about here? Our perfect love relationship with God drives out all other fears. The only thing we need to fear is God alone. If things are right with Him, everything else in life is good. We experience joy and peace in Him.         

With my mom, I feared losing our close relationship more than anything else. That’s why I was quick to repent and change my attitude when she gave me one of her looks. At that moment I had to make a choice. Which did I want more? To have my own way, or preserve the relationship I enjoyed with her?

As Christians, to fear the loss of our intimate relationship with the Lord will motivate us to love, trust, and obey Him better than anything else. Like King David, we’ll see a break in our fellowship as the worst possible place to be. “Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation” David pleads in Psalm 51:11-12, after his sin with Bathsheba.

Because I loved and respected my mother so much I seldom disobeyed her, but I remember one time as a teenager when I felt what it would be like for our closeness to be compromised. I’d gone to the bowling alley with friends and when it was time to go home, I accepted a ride with a boy I’d just met that night. He seemed really nice, so I jumped in his car without much thought, and thankfully he took me home without incident. But for days afterwards I fretted, knowing I had willfully disobeyed one of my mom’s most important commands: Never accept a ride from a stranger.

After feeling miserable for almost a week I finally couldn’t stand it any longer. With fear and trembling I confessed what I’d done, knowing she might impose some pretty serious consequences. But I didn’t care … I wanted to clear away my guilt. I was ready to agree with her that my disobedience was inexcusable and whatever punishment she deemed appropriate was okay with me. To my surprise, she accepted my apology graciously. She even thanked me for being truthful. She could see I was repentant, so she didn’t feel she needed to punish me any further. Restoring our open and loving relationship was what mattered most … to both of us.

This I believe is what it means to live in the fear of the Lord. Out of our concern to keep our relationship close, we’ll diligently avoid doing anything that will offend, hurt, or disappoint Him. When we do mess up and disobey His commands, we confess it … agreeing with Him that whatever it was, it wasn’t worth forfeiting His sweet fellowship. Jesus modeled this life for us in how He related to His Father. In one of the prophetic descriptions of the Messiah in Isaiah 11, we read how the Spirit of the Lord will rest upon Him – He’ll have the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. “And he will delight in the fear of the Lord.” (vv. 2-3)

We can delight in our fear of the Lord too. Scripture reveals its many spiritual benefits – purifying and humbling us; making us wise and keeping us from evil; prolonging our days and making us secure and confident. “The eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love” (Psalm 33:18). When we fear only Him, He’ll take care of everything else. We can count on it!