At a recent prayer seminar I asked the question: “How many of you would say you’re fully satisfied with your prayer life?” Women of all ages and spiritual maturity were in attendance and not surprisingly, no one raised their hand. We discussed some of the things that interfere with our ability to connect consistently and effectively with God in private prayer—things like distraction, busy schedules, lack of faith, a sense of inadequacy, etc.

 Often, we try to address these problems by studying the topic in more depth, looking for the book with the best “tips” for success. We think: If only I can discover the right time, place, or approach, I’ll feel good about praying and stick with it. But will we? These “how-to” tips may motivate us for a while but eventually we’ll end up feeling guilty as we revert to our old habits. To find lasting satisfaction, we need to address the biggest obstacle of all: Misunderstanding the nature and purpose of prayer.  

Prayer isn’t a spiritual chore we must schedule into our already busy schedules. It’s an opportunity for us to get to know our heavenly Father better. It’s meant to be relational, not religious. It’s not a performance we’ll be judged on or a skill we become proficient at by hard work and practice. Prayer is engaging with the One who alone has the power to change things and help us in our time of need.  It’s the means by which we mature in faith and grow in grace.

When Jesus taught His disciples a model prayer—The Lord’s Prayer—He began by calling God “Our Father.” The Aramaic term here for Father is “Abba.” It’s one of the first words Jewish children learn, and they continue to call their earthly father Abba for the rest of their lives. It’s a term of intimacy, love, and trust. This is how Jesus saw and interacted with His Father and it’s how He wants us to approach Him too.

Have you noticed how profoundly different young children are from their adult counterparts? They laugh more (the average child laughs 200 times a day, while adults only laugh or smile 15-18 times). Children are playful, curious and eager to learn, open and honest, quick to forgive and move on after disagreements, trusting, dependent upon those older and wiser, and willing to submit to those in authority over them (generally speaking, of course). Jesus obviously valued these traits, telling His disciples, “Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3).

Adopting a child-like attitude enables us to pray as Scripture teaches us to—with boldness, honesty, and dependence. Prayers don’t need to be ponderous, long-winded, or eloquent. There are no taboo subjects we cannot bring to Him, no “approved” methods, places, or times for prayer. What matters most is the condition of our hearts. Our heavenly Father receives our prayers like we receive a crushed flower (or weed) offered to us by a toddler. The condition of the “gift” isn’t what we focus on. We’re moved by the child’s desire to offer us a token of their love. In the same way, our heavenly Father is delighted whenever we approach Him in loving trust to share our hearts with Him. He wants to be the One we turn to in every situation, for “You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you” (Psalm 86:5).

How we view our heavenly Father will affect how we pray to Him. A small child doesn’t doubt that his dad can beat up anybody’s else’s dad and overcome any obstacle, so he confidently asks him for help, provision, or comfort. Jesus talked about this kind of bold trust in Matthew 7:7-11, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

Another quality of young children is their honesty. They’ve not yet learned the adult game of hypocrisy (pretending to be something you’re not to impress other people). They are unashamedly themselves, warts and all. Until they learn to do otherwise, they say what they’re thinking without pretense or deceit. Jesus commended Nathanael, one of His disciples, by saying, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit” (John 1:47). On another occasion He told His disciples, “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.” (Luke 12:1). Acknowledging what we’re struggling with and approaching God as we are … not who we’d like to be … is vital in strengthening our relationship with Him through prayer.

The goal for our earthly lives is to become more independent, to not have to rely on our parents anymore. But in our spiritual lives, we must seek to remain dependent, freely acknowledging how much we need our Father’s help and strength. Jesus modeled dependence throughout His years on earth, declaring in John 5:19, “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son does also.” In verse 30 He adds, “By myself I can do nothing. I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself, but him who sent me.” Jesus allowed the Father to decide what was best, even when it meant enduring the cross. This kind of surrendered dependence helps us to pray, as He did, “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

So many of our frustrations and anxieties about prayer could be alleviated if we would approach God as a child again. When we pray with bold faith, an honest heart, and an attitude of surrender to His will we’ll find our prayer times becoming sweeter and more satisfying. We’ll echo the lyrics of William Walford’s hymn written in 1861:

“Sweet hour of prayer, sweet hour of prayer, that calls me from a world of care and bids me at my Father’s throne make all my wants and wishes known. In seasons of distress and grief, my soul has often found relief, and oft escaped the temptor’s snare by thy return, sweet hour of prayer.  And since he bids me seek his face, believe his word and and trust his grace, I’ll cast on him my every care and wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer.”

Perhaps Maxime Legace, the Canadian hockey player, was right. “The final stage of wisdom is becoming a kid again.”

Lord, help me to see prayer differently—as a time to connect with you and honestly share what’s on my heart. Enable me to relax and enjoy this great privilege, finding in you the help I need to serve you with ever-increasing joy and satisfaction. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.